i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
