Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
