i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
