I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You are the jesus of drinking
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
