Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
