Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
