At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
