Your face is a jimmy john
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
