So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
