sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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