Quick, to the slutcave!
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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