mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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