So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
