hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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