My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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