I must be too annoying 4 u.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize