Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
