so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize