Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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