Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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