he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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