Michael Bay diarrhea
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I have aggressive nipples.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
