I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
