i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize