Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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