marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
