dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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