4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
