Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
