It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
