The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
