I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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