Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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