His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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