oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize