She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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