oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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