I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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