don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
