Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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