if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
