census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
