She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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