Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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