I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
