my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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