"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
