the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
