i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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