There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
