i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
