you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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