A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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