Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
