That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We just shotgunned beers for America
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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