Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
