i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
