At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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