You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
