I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
