It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
