Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
