And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
