I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
