I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
