My sheets look like a crime scene.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
