Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
