Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
