just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
