I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
