Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
