I feel like I'm in dance class right now
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
