I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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