i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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