I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
