Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
