For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
