No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
