At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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