Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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